Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
