so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
