you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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