Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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