shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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