i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
