Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
