I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
