Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
