Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
