Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
