best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
