I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
