The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
