1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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