so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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