Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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