I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
