I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
