Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
