did you get engaged???
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
