You made me cry and you don't even care
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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