its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
