So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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