If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
