Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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