i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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