Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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