I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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