if i died would you start the facebook group?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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