He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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