i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
