??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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