you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
