True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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