You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
