i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
