I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
