I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
