I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
