Me too!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
