So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They are going to name an STD after you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
