I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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