I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
