he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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