come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You left your phone here
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