So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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