i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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