Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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