Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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