were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
