I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
