It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
